The Tragedy of Domestic Violence

Sadness, shock and a new awareness of domestic violence hit the small town of Dexter, Maine on Monday when Stephen Lake shot his estranged wife and two children before turning the shotgun on himself.

She'd done everything right; she had a protection order (that he had violated), and a plan to keep herself and her children safe. The police, knowing that Stephen Lake had violated it, kept patrol of her home. He was out on bail--the big mistake of this whole matter. Laws need to be made tougher in these situations to keep women safe! Her co-workers knew if she didn't come to work that they should have the police check on her. That's exactly what happened, but when the police arrived, reacting to the phone call from her co-workers, it was already too late. Shots were fired in the home and they were all dead.

I know what it's like to be scared of what your husband has threatened. My first husband was an abuser and he tried to kill me twice. I escaped and hid at my brother's home with my two children, fearing the future. It had started gradually with verbal and emotional abuse and I learned that if I just went along it didn't escalate. Six years later, it did. He had begun to act strange--really strange, after he got into a fist fight at a bar. He quit his job as a mechanical engineer and began frequenting bars in a nearby city. I knew that he was up to no good, but he was leaving me alone, which was just fine. When he went over the edge and I knew I had to flee, it was a woman's shelter that helped me hide and fly home to Maine. A week later, he was killed by someone he had befriended in a bar. I could only feel relief. There had been no love in our marriage, only his desire to control me. Now I was free.

It took twenty-five years to get to the point where I could talk about my past without getting choked up by the fear he instilled in me. I volunteered for a domestic hotline but I found it was still too painful for me. Even though I knew how important my job was to help women get safe, I was haunted by bad memories and stopped volunteering.

The Lake family's murder/suicide has brought back the memories of the fear. I am sickened at the thought that it could, and probably would have been me had my ex not met his demise. My heart cries for the family and friends--so many lives were affected. Amy was a beloved kindergarten teacher and the children, ages 12 and 13, will be forever in the minds of their friends and the family left behind. I pray for comfort for their family, although I know it will be hard to move on. The police officers involved, one of which lived on the same street and frequently checked on Amy and her children, have got to be suffering too, and I pray for peace for them.

I keep thinking about how awful it must have been for Amy, Coty and Monica those last few moments. I can't wrap my mind around the evil that someone has to be to kill anyone , nevermind your own children. They must have been so frightened.

A member of our Church knew Amy and the children were Christians, which is comfort. They are in heaven now, no longer living in fear. Rest in peace.